


Forgiven

by Rauchendes_GNU



Series: Forgiven [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashed Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, First Kiss, Forgiveness, Happy Ending (sort of), Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oneshot, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rauchendes_GNU/pseuds/Rauchendes_GNU
Summary: He rocks back and forth, screaming in pain, wishing for something to kill him. But he doesn’t die. Naomi slaps him on the shoulder and congratulates him and then Castiel forgets.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Forgiven [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056227
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	Forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So, this is my first fanfiction on Ao3 and my first story (that I post) in English. I'm not a native speaker, so I'd highly apprechiate every suggestion for improvement so I can get better and make reading more enjoyable.
> 
> I found this one instagram post describing how Castiel kills all the Deans in "Goodbye Stranger" and I thought I'd give it a shot. I hope it's not too close to the original (it's been a while since I read it) and it's got a little different ending for it than the one in the episode. You'll see.
> 
> That's all for now, hope you like my oneshot.

The first time it takes Castiel an hour. Afterwards he falls to his knees cradling Dean’s dead body in his arms, tears flowing freely. Dean’s still warm, the warmth radiating through Castiel’s cold, numb limbs. He rocks back and forth, screaming in pain, wishing for something to kill him. But he doesn’t die. Naomi slaps him on the shoulder and congratulates him and then Castiel forgets.

There’s a painful throbbing behind Castiel’s eyes and he doesn’t know why. He follows Naomi's orders. This time he thrusts the angel blade right through Dean’s back after only half an hour of waiting, fighting with his conscience. He doesn’t remember anything, not the blood on his hands, not the desperate whispers as he tries to revive his best friend. Not how Naomi is a little more pleased than before.

The fifth time Naomi wants him to kill Dean face to face. Castiel barely feels the punches his best friend throws at him, he ducks and although he doesn’t want to do it, he feels how his hands wrap themselves around Dean’s neck and press, almost gently. He can feel how Dean struggles against him, how his fingers claw at his vessel, how the hunter desperately tries to get some air. And against his better judgement, he waits until Dean’s head turns slightly blue, his body goes limp and his struggle deceases. It hurts like a bitch. Thankfully Naomi makes him forget.

The tenth time Castiel is forced to use Dean’s gun. The pistol is cold and heavy against his hand, but Castiel barely hesitates. His finger pulls the trigger and before he can even realize what he’s done there’s a gaping, bloody hole in Dean’s head, the face marred by anger and a little bit of surprise.

The twentieth time he has to get past Sam first. The younger Winchester is a harder opponent than Castiel guessed, maybe it’s because his grace is still in Naomi’s control, or maybe it’s because the angel likes the hunter. However, Sam manages to cut into his arm before Castiel places his hand on his forehead and burns his soul. As the smoking corpse of Sam hits the floor with a _thump!_ he reaches for Dean who’s now fuming. This time is going to be worse than all the other times because this time Castiel killed Sam. So Dean fights like one of the monsters he usually hunts. His resistance makes Castiel fall back and makes it harder to reach the hunter. A flap of his wings transports the angel right behind Dean and he snaps his neck with ease. One single tear escapes his eyes as he watches the brothers’ bodies lying on the floor.

The fiftieth time he doesn’t even ask. He goes for the kill, aims right at the head. He can hear Dean call his name, _Castiel_ , but it’s cold. Naomi is proud of him, he can tell. She touches his forehead and Castiel forgets but there’s a little more freedom in his wings as if Naomi unclipped them.

The seventieth time he remembers. The throbbing pain in his head turns into a sharp flash, his sight going blank for a second. Castiel can hear a man scream, probably himself, and his throat feels hoarse.

“What – what are you doing with me?” His eyes are wide with fear as he backs away from Naomi. But the woman just smiles.

“I’m helping you, Castiel. I’m giving you a way to redeem yourself. I’m offering you a place in Heaven. Peace. Freedom. All I want you to do is follow my orders.”

She reaches forward. The touch of her hand on his cheek makes him jump but he’s cornered. Naomi smiles.

“I know it’s hard but believe me, it’s worth the effort.”

She takes his hand and Castiel can feel a numb kind of fog cloud his mind as his resistance crumbles. He follows Naomi into the white, clean room.

“You know what I want you to do.”

The hundred-fiftieth time Castiel zones in on Dean, doesn’t give him a chance to talk because if Dean starts to talk Castiel won’t be able to finish him. He runs the angel blade over the human’s throat and watches with a blank face as Dean’s body is seizing at his feet and once he’s sure that the hunter is dead he just steps over him.

Naomi makes him kill Dean more than once in a session now. It doesn’t matter if he stands and fights, pleads or cries or runs away. Castiel always catches him. He kills him with knives, guns, a sword, a grenade launcher, his bare hands, even his own teeth if Naomi tells him to. He doesn’t flinch at the sight of life slowly leaving Dean. He doesn’t care. Naomi has created the perfect killing machine.

No matter how ugly the fight has been Castiel’s clothes are clean. No matter how much of Dean’s blood is splattered onto him during his sessions in Heaven, the moment he’s back on Earth they are gone. So is his memory.

“Kill him, Castiel, and bring me the tablet.”

Dean can try to run, he can try to fight but Castiel is always ready. He breaks Dean’s hand and arm effortlessly. Dean groans in agony, falling to his knees.

The cold metal of the angel blade in his hand is biting his skin. Castiel can feel how his hand is racing downwards, colliding with Dean’s face. A nasty cracking sound tells him he broke his former charge’s nose. Again he hits Dean and again before the human speaks up.

“You want it? Take it!”

Dean’s eyes are filled with fire and pain. Castiel considers taking the angel tablet and leaving as Dean talks again.

“But you’re gonna have to kill me first.”

Castiel watches Dean, catches a glimpse of… resignation? He studies his bloodied features, fighting a war against himself.

“Come on, you coward, do it.”

So Dean has decided.

“ _Do it!_ ”

The force of the punch throws Dean off his knees. He groans in pain, forcing himself into an upright position, his eyes never leaving Castiel’s.

 _Please_ , Castiel cries silently, _please stop!_

“End this, Castiel.”

Naomi is adamant. So Castiel’s hand collides with Dean’s face again.

“ _Cas_ ,” Dean moans between the tormenting hits, “this isn’t you.”

His voice is hoarse, barely containing the agony, his words slurred from the split lip.

“This isn’t you.”

It sounds like a plea, like a wish, like something the hunter wants to believe so bad that he says it out loud. Dean doesn’t fight back as Castiel hits him again, the bones of his best friend’s face breaking beneath his knuckles.

 _Bring me the tablet._ Castiel tries to make himself stop, he can’t hurt Dean, he swore he’d never do that to him, but it just feels _right_ to do it, and that is the worst part.

Dean’s head rolls back. There are blood stains on Castiel’s coat, the blood runs down his hand, warm and welcoming.

Castiel watches as Dean kneels beneath him, green eyes locking with his ice blue ones.

“Cas,” he whispers, “ _Cas_ , I know you’re in there.”

Dean is swaying as if he can’t hold himself upright when he reaches out for his angelic friend.

“I know you can hear me.”

Castiel wants nothing more than just snap out of it. He wants it so badly his chest hurts. But his arm is raised, ready to thrust the deadly angel blade into Dean’s torso, to kill him, to lose him. Forever.

But Dean doesn’t fight back. He just _looks_ at Castiel with a glimmer of hope and something else. _Warmth_. The hunter’s hand is clinging to the seam of his trench coat as Dean struggles to keep himself upright.

“ _Cas_.” Dean gulps for air as if he has trouble breathing. “It’s me.”

Castiel studies Dean’s face. The bruises, the cuts, the blood. His face is marred, almost mushed beyond recognition. Dean must be hurting endlessly.

“You’re family.” He’s barely audible, even for the angel.

“We need you.” Dean swallows thickly and croaks weakly, “I love you.”  
_You have to choose, Castiel. Us or them._

Castiel doesn’t think twice.

“Cas.”  
Dean sounds like he’s about to pass out. Castiel’s hand is shaking as his grip weakens. With a loud, clattering sound the angel blade hits the ground. Castiel lowers his arm slowly. A scream drags him completely back into reality.

Dean’s doubling over, trying to ease the pain, unable to further resist the sharp agony that his tortured body is emitting. He’s breathing heavily, still on his knees in front of Castiel who sees his friend for the first time since the fog in his mind has cleared.

Dean looks horrible. Castiel wants to help him, wants to take the pain away from him. Dean whimpers quietly as the angel reaches forward.

“ _Cas_ ,” he whispers, “no, no, no.” He backs away from Castiel, fear widening his eyes.

“Cas, Cas _please_!” A weak hand tries to stop him as Castiel kneels down in front of Dean.

Another groan escapes Dean’s lips and he tenses the moment the angel’s hand touches his face. Castiel lets his grace travel over Dean’s body and heal the bruises and broken bones. Dean watches in disbelief and wonder as his skin becomes smooth and the cuts and all the blood disappear. His eyes find Castiel’s and the angel is sure his human charge can read them like an open book.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“What the hell just happened?” Dean’s still a little out of breath but the pained expression has left his beautiful face although the hurt look remains in his eyes, mixed with relief.

“I abandoned Heaven when I spared you.”

Fate chooses that moment to rip his wings out of his back. Castiel arches his back and screams as the sharp pain shoots through his shoulders. His vision goes dark as pain overtakes. For the first time in his long life Castiel wishes he would die.

“Cas?”

This time worry fills Dean’s deep voice. Castiel can imagine his concerned look as humans are unable to see his wings. After what feels like hours the agony becomes a burning, throbbing pain but it’s better than just moments ago.

“Cas!”

He opens his eyes to find his head cradled in Dean’s lap. The hunter’s green eyes are gleaming with unshed tears but his expression is furious.

“Don’t ever do that again!”

Castiel groans.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he whispers.

“What? No, I thought I’d lost you.”

Castiel looks up. “You were worried about me?”

Dean looks at him incredulously.

“Of course I was worried about you. You start screaming out of nowhere and your trench coat’s soaked with blood, I thought you’d die.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you say that again. Ever.”

“What I’ve done, – – ”

“Is forgiven.”

Castiel averts his eyes.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Dean.”

Dean huffs.

“Well, I don’t care. People always get more than they deserve.”

Castiel shifts and hisses when his back touches the fabric of his coat.

“Easy, buddy. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” Dean gently moves Castiel to relieve his back of the friction.

“I got my wings ripped off.”  
“What?”

Castiel turns his head to lock his eyes with Dean’s.

“I became human when I turned my back on Heaven and healed you.”

Dean’s eyes darken.

“You idiot! You lost your home and your grace and your wings so I could walk around with a clean face?”

“You were in pain.”  
“That would’ve been my problem. Cas, you just lost all your mojo! You’ve sacrificed your immortality and power.”

“You think my sacrifice was superfluous.”

Dean doesn’t reply. Castiel lifts his hand and hums in content when Dean doesn’t flinch at his touch. His fingers barely graze the other man’s chin but Dean shivers anyways.

“You think I don’t love you back.”

Dean sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t deserve your love, Cas. I’ve done things, bad things. You of all people should know.”

Castiel smiles and reaches for Dean’s hand.

“I’ve seen you in the worst of places. I forgive you. And I love you, too.”

He pulls Dean down for a short kiss and suppresses a groan as the wounds on his back open once again.

“Come on, angel, let’s get you to a hospital,” Dean suggests.

“I’m not an angel anymore, Dean.”

The hunter chuckles. “I know.”


End file.
